Great Books for Your Pre-School Age Children!
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July 16th, 2010Making Difficult Decisions
June 14th, 2010Life is full of difficult choices. There comes a time in everyone’s life when we must make these hard choices. Many of them are big, and some of them are minor. Decision making can be agonizing. Occasionally we are bound to make crucially vital decisions for major life goals.
Some choices are dictated by careers, and other choices are dictated by life in general. These decisions may keep you up at night and make you wonder which direction you should choose.
After months of contemplation, I finally made a difficult decision. I decided to take the risk and pursue my dream. It was a difficult decision to make, but ultimately, I realized that I had to go with my passion and stay true to my heart.
When it comes time to make a decision, I have learned that above all, you should not have any regrets. Would of, could of, and should of are feelings that can haunt you forever. Do you really want to wonder about what could have been? Perhaps making the decision you are worrying about will turn out to have wonderful results. You won't know unless you try!
"Seize any opportunities or anything that looks like opportunity. They are rare, much rarer than you think......"
-Nassim Nicholas Thaleb in the Black Swan
Decisions can be very difficult. The decision you make may mean cutting something or someone out of your life and leaving it in your past. It is difficult to leave others behind. Sometimes there are feelings of guilt and abandonment, but you must ultimately realize that your path is not their path, and theirs is not yours. During this journey of life, you are traveling on your own. Remember, life is a choice. It’s how you handle it and the bumpy road that comes with it that makes the difference. "I have discovered I always have choices and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude."
1. One must weigh all the odds and decide the best path.
It may not be an easy path, but it's your path nonetheless.
2. Does the decision have equal risks and benefits?
Would it affect my career in the years to come?
3. Stick with your gut feeling.
Your gut feelings are usually good ones. Trust them!
4. Don't be afraid.
Sometimes you must come out of your comfort zone. I think that we can all agree that leaving that zone can be scary at best.
5. Don't step backwards. Move forward and make that difficult decision without fear.
6. Examine the options.
Are there other options? Would you be satisfied with those options?
7. Weigh the Pros and Cons.
Create a two column list. Place the pros in one column and the cons in the other. What does this list tell you?
8. What is the value of the outcome?
Does the outcome create a better life for you and maybe even your whole family?
Here is one of my favorite poems about making a decision. I have always treasured the works of Robert Frost. He lived in New Hampshire and was responsible for beautiful imagery and portrayed the beauty of nature in the granite state. Here he discusses the importance of decisions, but that some decisions are not the most popular or easy ones to make.
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
It is hard to make decision, especially when it affects everyone around you. You may impact other lives, so do so with as much honor and compassion as possible, but do not shy away from the difficult decisions. They will come back to haunt you again and again.
Remember, whether your decision turns out to be good or bad, you learn from each experience.
The fear of the unknown can deter a decision. This fear may not be easy to overcome. The regret is in not doing, the regret is not in failing, but not in doing at all. Don't be afraid to take a risk and be different. Simply put, don't stay in life's limbo. Who knows? This could be an adventure! People who dare to take a risk and be different are those who will change the world.
Good Luck!
Couch Parenting
April 29th, 2010I was recently vacationing in Florida at the Wyndham's Bonnet Creek Resort. I was sitting in the pool enjoying the warm water and sun. Also sitting in the pool was a 5 year old boy named Josh. Josh was having a difficult playing with the other children in the pool. One of the other children in the pool had a squirt gun. Josh ripped it out of the boy's hand and promptly squirted me in the eye. "Oh", I thought, "Isn't he just the cutest thing!"
Next he got into a round inner tube plowed into everyone in his path. I was in his way once and he told me to "Move!" I told him, "NO!" People sitting pool side quickly knew Josh's name! And all the while, his mom and dad sat oblivious or somewhat oblivious of their son's behavior. Dad had his back to the pool talking to his wife and her friend. They would occasionally call out to Josh when they witnessed him engaging in the hurtful behavior of plowing into various unsuspecting vacationers trying to have a peaceful afternoon swim. The parents’ requests for good behavior were ignored by Josh. It was like the beloved movie "Jaws." The music da, dup, da, dup, da, dup, da, dup could be heard as Josh circled his unsuspecting prey. And quick as lightening, it happened! The victim was thrown under water. They would resurface with water spurting from their mouths as they gasped for air, looking dazed as they tried to figure out what the heck just happened.
The Josh moved on to trying to drown his brother several times! He kept saying, "Josh, cut it out!" Finally, I said, "Why don't you go and tell your mother!" He took my advice and went to complain to his mother, who responded by giving me a death stare. I can assure you, it didn't bother me in the least.
Children learn through consistency, repetition and imitation. The imitation can be good or bad. Did you ever notice if you say something all the time, you child will start saying it too? My favorite is, "For the love of God!" I say it all the time, and now my son says it all the time. You must also remember that you lead by example. This is very important because your behavior and your morals will become your children's. For example, if you’re not respectful of your wife and talk to her in a negative disrespectful way, your children will talk to their mother in a negative disrespectful way.
If you want to change your child's behavior, you must follow through and you must consistently do this each and every day.
This is what you must do to change your child's behavior:
1. Tell your child to stop the misbehavior.
2. If your child continues, then you must get up and walk over to your child.
3. You must bend down and get to his/her eye level.
4. You must look into your child's eyes and make sure he or she is looking at you and listening attentively.
5. Tell your child what you expect from them. For example, "I don't want you to hit your brother again!" Then go on to state the consequence for doing it again. “You will have to sit in that chair for 5 minutes if you hit him again.” Then ask your child, "Do you understand?"
6. If your child hits his brother again, get up from your chair, bend down to his eye level, look into his eyes, and say, "I told you not to hit your brother and you didn't listen to me, so now you must sit in that chair for 5 minutes."
7. After 5 minutes has gone by, walk over to your child, bend down to his/her eye level again and say, "The reason that you are sitting in the chair, is because you hit your brother, and I told you not to. You can get up, but if you hit your brother again, you are going to go to your room.
A child will misbehave if they think that you are going to stay seated and monitor from the sidelines. When a child knows that you are going to actively parent, discipline and follow through with consequences, then the behavior will stop.
If your child misbehaves in front of a lot of people at a get together, and you’re too embarrassed to do this in front of them, there is a solution. Take your child out of the room for a time out. When your child agrees to behave bring him back into the group. Tell your child if he/she continues to misbehave at the party you will leave again.
When giving directions and expectations to your child, make sure you do this with a stern voice. Make your child understand that you mean business. If you continue to do this daily your child will continue to improve and behave in a positive manner. Good Luck!
Plant a Garden With Your Kids
April 29th, 2010Kids love to play in dirt-well my son does anyway. A garden is a great place for a child to discover and explore the natural world around them.
Summer vacation is fast approaching and planting a garden or seeds is a fun thing to do with your child at home or in a classroom.
Different plants need different amounts of sunshine to grow. Read the packages of seeds and it will tell you just how much sunlight each type of plant needs. Once you have chosen your seeds, pick a spot and plant them. After they have been planted you need to water them regularly so that they will grow and you will be able to harvest them! Children love the satisfaction that comes from caring for something over time, while observing the cycle of life first hand! The benefits can extend beyond the initial learning and exercise that comes with planting and maintaining a garden. This is a great way to teach environmental awareness and make children stewards of the land. By exploring the wonders of nature they will gain a real appreciation for the difference that they can make for the earth and will learn that they are capable of making decisions and changes that will help create a greener planet.
The best part of gardening is watching a child’s interest and self esteem grow as their gardening efforts yield good results. There are cool things that occur in nature! From seed to plant and maybe even a fruit or vegetable, children learn a tremendous amount from gardening. They are learning lessons in science and if you are growing plants that produce food, it’s an opportunity to teach them about nutrition, too!
Research shows a correlation between an increase in childhood obesity and a decrease in the time children spend outdoors. This has resulted in parents becoming actively engaged in getting their children to exercise and make good healthy eating choices. With guidance, children will learn to make better choices about the food they eat and about the exercise they should be participating in daily.
To extend your child’s learning you can encourage child created art and craft projects, journaling the progress that their garden is making, and even some cooking projects with the harvested products of the garden.
Kids are still kids, and can get bored or discouraged if they don’t see results quickly. Try planting some fast growing crops like carrots and radishes.
You could also plant a Butterfly Garden. By planting certain flowers and herbs, you can attract butterflies. This is also a great way to see nature up close.
Butterflies are attracted to:
Annuals such as impatiens, marigolds, phlox, sunflowers and zinnias.
Perennials such as asters, butterfly weed, chrysanthemums, and daisies.
Wildflowers such as bergamots, black eyed Susan, and boneset.
Planting parsley to attract caterpillars will help generate a very active butterfly garden.
No matter what you decide to plant, have fun! It is a great way to spend time with your children!
Alzheimer’s: My Mother’s Quiet Struggle
April 5th, 2010I never put my parents into the equation of life. They were vibrant, they were social, they traveled and they raised 4 very happy, thriving children. Then it happened; rather quickly and rather noticeably. First my dad became ill. It started with shortness of breath, and went down hill from there. He had several blood clots in his lungs and a few months later a triple by-pass surgery. He recovered, and then it was my mother’s turn.
One day, my mom's dryer broke, so she decided to stuff her wet laundry in a trash bag and carry it up my driveway to my second floor and dry them in my dryer. After she finished drying them, she put them back in the trash bag, dragged the bag back down my driveway and up 12 stairs to her apartment. A 77 year old lady carrying a trash bag full of wet clothes can’t be good, right? We quickly found out just how not good it was. She had a heart attack, and needed a by-pass in her neck. After that by-pass, the worst of it all started. She began to forget. At first, it was subtle. Many times I was left wondering was it me forgetting, or was it her? We would joke with her, and she would tell everyone, "My kids think that I have Alzheimer’s." Then she would make a face!
Then my mother started to get quiet. That was odd for her. She loved life and was a kidder. She has a great sense of humor, and everyone loved to be around her. She was perfect, and when I say perfect, I mean it. Her hair was perfect, her clothes were perfectly ironed and her parties; all done with perfection. If you came for Thanksgiving dinner, holy Toledo, you were in for a treat! We had a perfectly ironed tablecloth, really good china placed perfectly around our large dining room table, ironed napkins, and good polished silverware. The soft music played, there were flowers on the table, hors d’ouvres prior, along with cocktails, and lovely deserts to end a wonderful meal.
My mom and dad started their journey very young and very poor. They got married at City Hall, and could only afford a Coke and Twinkie for their dinner. They prayed the Rosary daily and their Catholic Religion was the basis of their lives and their family’s. My brother came two years after they married, then my sister, then another brother and finally me. My parents taught us right from wrong. We all got a long, and we didn't dare to disobey them. They never swore, and my dad worked while my mom took care of us. We didn't have a lot of money, but we made the best of things. We went camping, we went to the drive in movies, and out for ice cream. We always were with their friends, and their children. We always had fun! Lots and lots of fun.
Pretty normal family right? I think so. The reason I mention all of this is because with Alzheimer’s, her behavior noticeably changed.
Mom, my sister and me.
We waited too long to get medicine for her. What can I say? We were in denial. So we took Mom to a memory specialist. They gave her a test that took an hour and a half. They asked questions like, "What year is it?” “Name 4 animals.” “How old are you?” “When were you born?” “Who is the president?” “Draw a clock and point the arrows of the clock to 10:15.” She didn't do badly, but she didn't do great. They prescribed Aricept and wanted us to return in 3 months. Aricept doesn't cure Alzheimer’s, it just slows the process. Her behavior continued to change, she wasn't perfectly dressed, she had difficulty with short term memory. She became quiet. Very quiet. I didn't realize why at first, and then it became clearer later. My friends would see her out, and say to me, "Oh I saw your mom, she looks great!" I would say to my parents on several occasions, "Oh, so you and Dad saw Renee at CVS?" and they would both respond, "We had no idea who that was." She was very good at faking it, very good indeed!
The reason she became quiet is that she couldn't fake it anymore. She didn't recognize people, so she got quiet and just observed. Her friends took her out a couple of times, and they said that she didn't say anything and didn't eat anything. That was extremely odd for my mother. Like I said, she was fun and full of life. You see, she couldn't jump into a conversation anymore because she didn't know who they were talking about or what they were talking about. It is like amnesia, well sort of, except, unfortunately, you never get your memory back.
Her best friend in the world, Lorraine, took her out to lunch. Lorraine’s husband, Bob, had died shortly after Christmas, but my mom kept asking her, "Where is Bob?" And Lorraine would graciously say, "Remember he passed away?" Mom would answer "Oh, yes, that’s right." and then 5 minutes later, she would ask the same question again. "Where is Bob?" During that lunch, my mom opened up to Lorraine, and said "I am really afraid, I don't remember things anymore!" My mom’s friend who has all the empathy in the world, said, "I know that this is hard for you, and I know that you are afraid, but don't worry, I promised to be your friend forever, I will be here for you always!" A true friend is hard to find, and Lorraine is definitely a true friend.
My parents are basically living the movie the "Notebook." Two people who are in love, and will stay together to the very end, despite how hard the journey is.
It’s funny. My father defends her to the end. He is with her 24 hours a day. A day filled with my mom repeating things over and over, a day that sometimes has anger, frustration and despair. She can be happy, she can be mad, she can swear, (which I never, ever heard her do prior to the Alzheimer’s). She could stay all day in her robe, but he makes her get dressed and then takes her out for a ride. Her hair isn't perfect anymore, she looks like she just doesn't care, or maybe she doesn't remember how to do it. She is really self conscious of her hair, she rubs her hands through it and says that it looks a mess.
We visited my aunt in Rhode Island last weekend and my Dad told all of us that she was an excellent wife and a great mother. He professed his love to her in front of all of us. We all said, "Awww!"
We are going to have a huge 60th anniversary party for them this summer. It is really year 59, but we don't think that we should wait another year for this event. Alzheimer’s is degenerative, it doesn't get better.
We brought my mom back to the memory doctor and he prescribed Namenda which works in conjunction with Aricept. He also prescribed Effexor which helps with her mood. Yes, it helps a little, but not enough.
She will tell my dad, "I love you with all my heart, if you go to heaven Dick, then I will go." Then, my dad will reply, "If you go to heaven Pat, then I will go too." It is so difficult to watch. I kind of envy them though, that kind of love is rare and hard to find. They still hold hands and look deeply into each others eyes.
They said to me recently, "We raised 4 great kids, we traveled, and we did everything that we wanted to do." So, I am thinking to myself, "Are they ready to die?" It makes me so sad, especially to watch your mother become silent and basically just a shell. She doesn't look like my mother and she doesn't act like my mother. I think I get depressed because I am already mourning her passing; the slow passing of her mind, her body, her essence.
When she has a good day, she will kiss my hand a million times, and go all the way up my arm to my face and say "I love you! I love you! You are my life!" I then kiss her back, I start with her hand, move up her arm, and say, “I love you! I love you! You are my life!” On other good days, I sit in her lap, put my head on her shoulder and tell her to sing to me, or tell her to tell me a story. She laughs, and obliges.
I am a pre-school teacher and obviously have a great deal of patience with children, and dealing with someone with Alzheimer’s is basically the same as dealing with a pre-school child. There aren't any filters going on. So, I am very good with her.
My parents have watched many of their dear friends die, and I think that that is hard for them. Their lives are like a lottery, "Is today my day to die?" That must be difficult. How must that feel? Maybe we should all live our lives to the fullest while we can. Take that trip to Paris, go rock climbing, learn Yoga, take a cooking class. Enjoy it while you can. You never know how your life will be later during the golden years.
My only advice is enjoy each and every moment with your parents. Love them, hug them, kiss them. Tell them how you feel about them. Spend time with them, as much as you can. Don't have regrets after their passing. Life is precious, remember that. I try to remember how my mother use to be, I try to find patience, and when she gets angry, I just kiss her a million times, and repeat, "I love you mom! I love you! You’re my life!" I hope she remembers how we use to do that to each other, I hope she remembers me! I only wish good days for her. I hope for the best, but don't expect a lot. I love my mom and I will remain by her side all the days of her life.
