Posts Tagged ‘Children’

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It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! Andy Williams happily sings this beloved Holiday classic. Yes, it can be a wonderful time, but why are so many finding themselves feeling overwhelmed, stressed and anxious about too many holiday parties, gift buying, cooking, cleaning, decorating, wrapping, and spending time with family members? And there are just a few of the demands that you may be experiencing this holiday season.

Children are preparing their lists and checking them twice. Because of the economy, many parents are feeling guilty because they can't fulfill the wishes contained in their children's elaborate lists. One might ask if this is a bad thing or a good thing.

Take a deep breath and stop the madness! Keep in mind, the true meaning of the holidays - they are about spending time with family and friends. It doesn't have to break the bank, it doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to be fun and meaningful. What do I mean by meaningful? Well, here are some tips to make this holiday more joyful and bring more meaning to the season for you and yours.

1. In order to have a memorable holiday season, we need to make time to have some peaceful moments with family. My family is going to New Hampshire and going on a sleigh ride. We will visit with Santa and delve into the beauty of the snow, the mountains and scenery around us.

2. We usually have family night on Friday. We order Mexican food and sit and chat with each other. This doesn't require a lot of money, but a way to reconnect at the end of a busy week full of cheering, basketball games, school, and engagements that we must attend.

3. Shop early and online. I started early this year. By the end of November my shopping was in full swing (although I know there are some lucky people who were actually done by the end of November!). I went on-line nightly until I got it done. I went to dollar stores for gift bags, wrapping paper and bows. I tried to save money wherever I could.

4. Honor family traditions like baking cookies, special dinners, buying a tree, hanging the Christmas lights, or helping grandma with her famous punch. Whatever it is, continue it. Traditions celebrate family uniqueness and allow each member a chance to embrace it. They bond generations and help us to teach our children about where they came from. Passing on these traditions connects past generations to future generations.

5. Watch old Christmas movies together. We have It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle of 34th Street, and the Bells of St. Mary. They all have a special message that should be shared with the entire family.

6. Learn to say “No”. Cut back on all the activities. Your family needs down time to regroup. They need a Saturday morning to sleep in, or an evening to just kick back. During the holidays, take time to be thankful and think about the New Year that is just around the corner.

7. Bid farewell to 2010! Look forward to 2011 with hope and anticipation. It is a time to reflect on the changes we want or need to make and follow through with those changes in the up-coming year.

8. Resolve to enjoy life more! Create a happier, healthier you!

9. Remember toddlers/preschoolers don't require a lot of presents to make them happy. Just a few quality presents will do.

10. For older children, limit the dollar amount and number of gifts.

Most importantly, the holidays are about giving! It is about your family giving of themselves, giving of their time, giving of their love. This shouldn't be just during the holidays, but all year long. Teach your family to give their time. The benefits are something your children will remember forever. Doing a chore for an elderly neighbor, buying a gift for a needy child, or volunteering their time at a local agency that helps people in need can make them feel fantastic about themselves and give someone in need that message that someone cares about them. Make an effort to include elderly family members in your festivities.

Ring in the New Year on a positive note. Look forward to the promise it will bring! Celebrate life and
the people around you! You will only know their true worth and how much you really love them when they are gone. Say, I love you as much as you can. Sometimes, a kind word can change a person’s entire day. Small acts of kindness are always appreciated. Don't underestimate their value.
Remember, life is what you make it, so make it a really good one. My best piece of advice is to eat chocolate daily! It calms the psyche, rejuvenates the soul and it tastes so good! Happy New Year!

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RAISING EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY CHILDREN

Monday, December 6th, 2010

There isn't a parenting book to answer all the questions parents have about raising children. I wish there were. I would have bought it. What happens in the home during the developmental years is of vital importance. Why is it so hard to raise kids that are mentally and emotionally stable? Life moves at warp speed, so does the time that we spend with our children. One reason may be that some children doubt our love for them. It is important to tell your child each and every day that you love them. Make that a priority in your daily routine! You can never say I love you too much!

Address any problems that arise with your children. Do not judge your child, but come up with a solution to resolve any issue they may have. Shielding your child from the dangers of the world is the biggest mistake you can make as a parent. Emotionally healthy children grow up knowing the world is flawed and they will have struggles to overcome. Give your child small tastes of the real world. Listen to your children so that you can help them grow up to be emotionally healthy children that can handle the world.

Many things change during different childhood stages. Providing positive Discipline Structure Rules that are made to help organize their lives, establish stability, promote safety and increase performance will help produce healthy emotional development in children. Children need to have a clear understanding of what is expected of them and the benefits these rules provide. It is important to use praise. Provide positive rewards for positive actions.

Parenting is a learn as you go undertaking. Remember, parents and children are not peers. Never treat your child as your friend. There must be boundaries between a parent and child. These boundaries cannot be crossed. If you don’t set these boundaries, then you will find yourself with a child who will not respect you or your wishes.

Love them and support them, even if their dreams for themselves don’t exactly match your dreams for them. If they don't want to play sports and prefer the violin, then respect their request and encourage their decision. Do not raise your kids to live out your dreams. They are different than you and have different goals, hobbies, likes and dislikes. Understanding this can save a lot of frustration and disappointment for both of you.

Make your child's environment physically and emotionally safe. Learn who your child is and do all you can to help that unique child be the person that they were born to be. Allow your child to experience their feelings and perceptions and create situations in which your child can develop a sense of competency and mastery over different things.

Meeting the emotional needs of children provides the foundation for success in school, work, relationships, marriage and life in general. In order for children to be emotionally healthy, they need to feel:
• respected
• important
• accepted
• included
• secure

Let your child learn to play independently. If they prefer to be next to you all the time, gently ease away from them daily. Try to move to another room. They need to feel confident with themselves and learn to soothe themselves by being alone for 10 minutes. They need to acquire independence from you. Also, if they are playing with friends and they start to quarrel, do not immediately jump in to fix the situation. Let your child try to handle this on his or her own. They must learn to deal with situations by themselves. If your child ends up in tears kindly help by offering suggestions. You could say, "Why don't you let Jake play with the car first, and after 5 minutes you can play with it. Here, let me put on the timer." They will become more confident, happy, independent children. And in the process, you as a parent will have your own needs satisfied too.

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Couch Parenting

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

I was recently vacationing in Florida at the Wyndham's Bonnet Creek Resort. I was sitting in the pool enjoying the warm water and sun. Also sitting in the pool was a 5 year old boy named Josh. Josh was having a difficult playing with the other children in the pool. One of the other children in the pool had a squirt gun. Josh ripped it out of the boy's hand and promptly squirted me in the eye. "Oh", I thought, "Isn't he just the cutest thing!"

Next he got into a round inner tube plowed into everyone in his path. I was in his way once and he told me to "Move!" I told him, "NO!" People sitting pool side quickly knew Josh's name! And all the while, his mom and dad sat oblivious or somewhat oblivious of their son's behavior. Dad had his back to the pool talking to his wife and her friend. They would occasionally call out to Josh when they witnessed him engaging in the hurtful behavior of plowing into various unsuspecting vacationers trying to have a peaceful afternoon swim. The parents’ requests for good behavior were ignored by Josh. It was like the beloved movie "Jaws." The music da, dup, da, dup, da, dup, da, dup could be heard as Josh circled his unsuspecting prey. And quick as lightening, it happened! The victim was thrown under water. They would resurface with water spurting from their mouths as they gasped for air, looking dazed as they tried to figure out what the heck just happened.

The Josh moved on to trying to drown his brother several times! He kept saying, "Josh, cut it out!" Finally, I said, "Why don't you go and tell your mother!" He took my advice and went to complain to his mother, who responded by giving me a death stare. I can assure you, it didn't bother me in the least.

Children learn through consistency, repetition and imitation. The imitation can be good or bad. Did you ever notice if you say something all the time, you child will start saying it too? My favorite is, "For the love of God!" I say it all the time, and now my son says it all the time. You must also remember that you lead by example. This is very important because your behavior and your morals will become your children's. For example, if you’re not respectful of your wife and talk to her in a negative disrespectful way, your children will talk to their mother in a negative disrespectful way.

If you want to change your child's behavior, you must follow through and you must consistently do this each and every day.

This is what you must do to change your child's behavior:
1. Tell your child to stop the misbehavior.
2. If your child continues, then you must get up and walk over to your child.
3. You must bend down and get to his/her eye level.
4. You must look into your child's eyes and make sure he or she is looking at you and listening attentively.
5. Tell your child what you expect from them. For example, "I don't want you to hit your brother again!" Then go on to state the consequence for doing it again. “You will have to sit in that chair for 5 minutes if you hit him again.” Then ask your child, "Do you understand?"
6. If your child hits his brother again, get up from your chair, bend down to his eye level, look into his eyes, and say, "I told you not to hit your brother and you didn't listen to me, so now you must sit in that chair for 5 minutes."
7. After 5 minutes has gone by, walk over to your child, bend down to his/her eye level again and say, "The reason that you are sitting in the chair, is because you hit your brother, and I told you not to. You can get up, but if you hit your brother again, you are going to go to your room.

A child will misbehave if they think that you are going to stay seated and monitor from the sidelines. When a child knows that you are going to actively parent, discipline and follow through with consequences, then the behavior will stop.

If your child misbehaves in front of a lot of people at a get together, and you’re too embarrassed to do this in front of them, there is a solution. Take your child out of the room for a time out. When your child agrees to behave bring him back into the group. Tell your child if he/she continues to misbehave at the party you will leave again.

When giving directions and expectations to your child, make sure you do this with a stern voice. Make your child understand that you mean business. If you continue to do this daily your child will continue to improve and behave in a positive manner. Good Luck!

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Plant a Garden With Your Kids

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

Kids love to play in dirt-well my son does anyway. A garden is a great place for a child to discover and explore the natural world around them.

Summer vacation is fast approaching and planting a garden or seeds is a fun thing to do with your child at home or in a classroom.

Different plants need different amounts of sunshine to grow. Read the packages of seeds and it will tell you just how much sunlight each type of plant needs. Once you have chosen your seeds, pick a spot and plant them. After they have been planted you need to water them regularly so that they will grow and you will be able to harvest them! Children love the satisfaction that comes from caring for something over time, while observing the cycle of life first hand! The benefits can extend beyond the initial learning and exercise that comes with planting and maintaining a garden. This is a great way to teach environmental awareness and make children stewards of the land. By exploring the wonders of nature they will gain a real appreciation for the difference that they can make for the earth and will learn that they are capable of making decisions and changes that will help create a greener planet.

The best part of gardening is watching a child’s interest and self esteem grow as their gardening efforts yield good results. There are cool things that occur in nature! From seed to plant and maybe even a fruit or vegetable, children learn a tremendous amount from gardening. They are learning lessons in science and if you are growing plants that produce food, it’s an opportunity to teach them about nutrition, too!

Research shows a correlation between an increase in childhood obesity and a decrease in the time children spend outdoors. This has resulted in parents becoming actively engaged in getting their children to exercise and make good healthy eating choices. With guidance, children will learn to make better choices about the food they eat and about the exercise they should be participating in daily.

To extend your child’s learning you can encourage child created art and craft projects, journaling the progress that their garden is making, and even some cooking projects with the harvested products of the garden.

Kids are still kids, and can get bored or discouraged if they don’t see results quickly. Try planting some fast growing crops like carrots and radishes.

You could also plant a Butterfly Garden. By planting certain flowers and herbs, you can attract butterflies. This is also a great way to see nature up close.

Butterflies are attracted to:

Annuals such as impatiens, marigolds, phlox, sunflowers and zinnias.
Perennials such as asters, butterfly weed, chrysanthemums, and daisies.
Wildflowers such as bergamots, black eyed Susan, and boneset.
Planting parsley to attract caterpillars will help generate a very active butterfly garden.

No matter what you decide to plant, have fun! It is a great way to spend time with your children!

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HELICOPTER PARENTS

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

We see them all the time at my daycare. We lovingly refer to them as helicopter parents. Helicopter parents are parents who hover. They act on behalf of their child at all times, which hinders their child's independence, the learning of self help skills, and copying skills. Emotionally, children of helicopter parents have a difficult time handling situations. They don't know how to play and they need a lot of reminders or directions when performing tasks.

Parents who hover carry their children into school. They take off their child's coat, hang it up for them and put their backpack away for them in their cubby. When you coddle a child upon entering a place, what kind of message are you sending that child? They need coddling when they fall and scrape their knee, they need coddling when they have a fever, but they do not need coddling when they go to school. Parents should open the car door and let them walk into school carrying their own backpacks. They should tell their child to place his/her coat in their cubby, give them a kiss and wish them a great day!

Here is another example of a helicopter parent. I noticed a parent taking her son to use the bathroom. She pulled down his pants, and then his underwear. She then lifted him on the potty. We have those really small, cute toilets for children. They can easily get on by themselves especially at 3½ years old. When he was done, she lifted him off, pulled up his underwear, pulled up his pants, zipped and then buttoned his pants. Is this type of behavior really helping to make your child independent? It isn't teaching self help skills or independence. You must let your child try, and yes, he/she will make mistakes, but that is all part of growth and development.

Give him the freedom to make mistakes. He'll be fine!

Give him the freedom to make mistakes. He'll be fine!


Another important factor is the number of caregivers the child is with during the course of the week. He is cared for by a grandmother who is in her 60's two days a week, and he is with us two days a week until just after lunch. After lunch his other grandmother, who is in her 80’s picks him up for the afternoon. Then he is with his parents on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Each caregiver has different rules! Grandparents tend to be softies. My school rules are stricter, and there is there is a lot of structure during the course of the day! Would I put my grandchild in a "Stop and Think?" Probably not! I want them to worship Grammy. I will give them what they want and hand them back to Mom. I can’t blame my student’s grandmothers for doing the same. At pre-school there are routines, there are rules to be followed, listening and self help skills are learned, and independence increases. It takes longer to acquire independence if the child is not taught this at home, and when the child is living with four different sets of rules and expectations during the week it is that much harder to teach.

Parents need to decrease any drama when it comes to their child. If your child falls down, wash off the cut, place a band aid on the wound, give your child a kiss and send him/her on their way. There isn't any need to get grandma involved and too much emphasis on the situation is not good. You want your child to be able to cope emotionally with this minor mishap. My advice is don't dwell, move on!

We had a child start his first day and Mom, Dad and baby brother came along to wish him well. Guess how he did. Not so great! When it was time for Mom, Dad and baby to leave, he wanted to go to. He wanted to go to Grandma's with his baby brother. The next time he came, he cried, partly because his parents were making the morning drop off a family affair – even though they were coming in separate cars and had different destinations! I told Mom and Dad that one person should drop their son off and that they must leave quickly. It is like pulling off a band aid, you’ve got to do it quickly. We then established a morning routine. Put your stuff in your cubby, kiss daddy, and then we wave goodbye from the window. If parents stay, it just prolongs the agony. Once the parent leaves, we can re-direct a child into an activity and move on in our day!

All caregivers of a child need to be on the same page. If there isn't consistency, then it will not work. Set a routine and ask other care givers to follow it. Set rules and ask them to enforce them. If everyone works together, your child will be on the path to independence and acquiring self help skills that will stay with them throughout their lives.

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