I was recently vacationing in Florida at the Wyndham's Bonnet Creek Resort. I was sitting in the pool enjoying the warm water and sun. Also sitting in the pool was a 5 year old boy named Josh. Josh was having a difficult playing with the other children in the pool. One of the other children in the pool had a squirt gun. Josh ripped it out of the boy's hand and promptly squirted me in the eye. "Oh", I thought, "Isn't he just the cutest thing!"
Next he got into a round inner tube plowed into everyone in his path. I was in his way once and he told me to "Move!" I told him, "NO!" People sitting pool side quickly knew Josh's name! And all the while, his mom and dad sat oblivious or somewhat oblivious of their son's behavior. Dad had his back to the pool talking to his wife and her friend. They would occasionally call out to Josh when they witnessed him engaging in the hurtful behavior of plowing into various unsuspecting vacationers trying to have a peaceful afternoon swim. The parents’ requests for good behavior were ignored by Josh. It was like the beloved movie "Jaws." The music da, dup, da, dup, da, dup, da, dup could be heard as Josh circled his unsuspecting prey. And quick as lightening, it happened! The victim was thrown under water. They would resurface with water spurting from their mouths as they gasped for air, looking dazed as they tried to figure out what the heck just happened.
The Josh moved on to trying to drown his brother several times! He kept saying, "Josh, cut it out!" Finally, I said, "Why don't you go and tell your mother!" He took my advice and went to complain to his mother, who responded by giving me a death stare. I can assure you, it didn't bother me in the least.
Children learn through consistency, repetition and imitation. The imitation can be good or bad. Did you ever notice if you say something all the time, you child will start saying it too? My favorite is, "For the love of God!" I say it all the time, and now my son says it all the time. You must also remember that you lead by example. This is very important because your behavior and your morals will become your children's. For example, if you’re not respectful of your wife and talk to her in a negative disrespectful way, your children will talk to their mother in a negative disrespectful way.
If you want to change your child's behavior, you must follow through and you must consistently do this each and every day.
This is what you must do to change your child's behavior:
1. Tell your child to stop the misbehavior.
2. If your child continues, then you must get up and walk over to your child.
3. You must bend down and get to his/her eye level.
4. You must look into your child's eyes and make sure he or she is looking at you and listening attentively.
5. Tell your child what you expect from them. For example, "I don't want you to hit your brother again!" Then go on to state the consequence for doing it again. “You will have to sit in that chair for 5 minutes if you hit him again.” Then ask your child, "Do you understand?"
6. If your child hits his brother again, get up from your chair, bend down to his eye level, look into his eyes, and say, "I told you not to hit your brother and you didn't listen to me, so now you must sit in that chair for 5 minutes."
7. After 5 minutes has gone by, walk over to your child, bend down to his/her eye level again and say, "The reason that you are sitting in the chair, is because you hit your brother, and I told you not to. You can get up, but if you hit your brother again, you are going to go to your room.
A child will misbehave if they think that you are going to stay seated and monitor from the sidelines. When a child knows that you are going to actively parent, discipline and follow through with consequences, then the behavior will stop.
If your child misbehaves in front of a lot of people at a get together, and you’re too embarrassed to do this in front of them, there is a solution. Take your child out of the room for a time out. When your child agrees to behave bring him back into the group. Tell your child if he/she continues to misbehave at the party you will leave again.
When giving directions and expectations to your child, make sure you do this with a stern voice. Make your child understand that you mean business. If you continue to do this daily your child will continue to improve and behave in a positive manner. Good Luck!
